Wish List

I was supposed to go to a funeral today, but to be honest I simply wasn’t up to it. So I stayed home, slept and thought a bit about life instead.

I just lost a friend. Well, “just” perhaps isn’t the right word, since it’s been coming for some time, and “friend” might be overdoing it, but we have known each other for a long time.

I always think everything is going to be better. At least until I loose my patience. And I just did. Not without warning, though. Trying to be fair, giving a last chance. But the line was crossed, and not only crossed, but stamped upon, which only shows me, that for some people it is possible to learn nothing of each other despite years of acquaintance. So I guess I haven’t lost that much after all.

Hmm, I really should be better at facing the fact, that if someone has once treated you bad or lied to you, they will probably do it again. Oh but no, not me. I’m an optimist and a master of excuses. At least as long as I’m not being consequently cynical...

So right now I might feel like a fool for giving too many chances and putting up with too much shit, but I’ll rather be a cynical fool, than a foolish cynic.

Then there is my mother. Her bitterness has finally materialised itself as a 7x15 cm large lump of some kind, situated somewhere in her female abdominal organs. She went to the hospital yesterday for examinations and she is going in for operation already Wednesday. I hope for her, that something good can come of this whole experience. That it might make her reflect a little about her life and her priorities. And of cause I hope she will be all right, once they get the lump out.

It seems that neither people, nor life itself can be taken for granted.

So since it is Christmas, I have granted myself four 2005 wishes: good friends, good sex, good health and lots of money.

How is that for a wish list :-)